There is a difference between sex and making love. We have sex to satisfy the physical needs while making love satisfies the soul and emotional desires. Making love without sex removes the carnal need to survive because sex satisfies a lustful hunger of emptiness in us. Taking care of your partner requires a deeper connection. We nurture and grow through these unions while allowing love to be the vehicle that takes us there.
Making love is the ultimate form of expression in a relationship. There are ways to make love without having sexual intercourse while sharing emotional intimacy. Stimulating the mind can be just as much of an aphrodisiac as the act of sex itself. In relationships we require connections on many levels.
1. BUILD A STRONG FRIENDSHIP.
Good relationships don’t just happen over night. They require mutual love, trust and respect. Creating a strong foundation as friends, who share everything, will enhance sexual pleasures at a later time in your union. The act of allowing and acceptance is a beautiful bond in human sexuality. Feeling safe is foreplay. When you know your partner has your back and your best intentions you feel happy. This leads to the release of the love hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin creates a sense of happiness and well-being. This hormone is associated with empathy and trust, therefore releasing even more feelings of love and security in a relationship. Friends don’t require sex. They require acknowledgment, understanding and mutual admiration. You cultivate love through the depth of a strong friendship.
2. CONNECT THROUGH FOOD.
There is something arousing when someone you love cooks for you. To have a meal prepared with love is a true turn on. Women love men who cook. And it is said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Even if you cannot cook, just picking out a meal at a restaurant and enjoying the moment together is enough to feel good. Food connects us through cultures, heritage, and social events. We need it for health and fueling our bodies. Try taking a cooking class together. Make dessert for one another. Turn off all phones, get a glass of wine and enjoy the culinary arts. The simple act of feeding is stimulating and arousing. “Food is symbolic to love when words are inadequate.”
3. FIND HOBBIES AND ACTIVITIES TO DO TOGETHER.
Share a bucket list of things you want to do with each other. Finding ways to interact outside of the bedroom is romantic. You can hike in the rain, chase a sunset, or take an art class in town. Make time to do the things that you like to do alone and share them with your partner. Teach each other new things. Read to one another. Have playtime and a picnic in the park. Go to a baseball game. Go roller skating and return to places that you enjoyed in your youth. Being silly and laughing with each other is precious. Sharing these parts of yourself enhances your emotional connection. Exercising together can be sexy. You are interacting in a physical level that also mimics the actions of sex. Your union will be stronger because you are sharing what you love.
4. BE VULNERABLE AND OPEN UP ABOUT YOUR DREAMS AND FEARS.
Research professor for the University of Houston, Dr. Brene Brown, has dedicated the past thirteen years to researching vulnerability, courage and shame. She has found that,“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Being able to mentally bond is a huge release to our emotional and physical bodies. Ask questions about the past and present. Get to know each other by breaking down the barriers of embarrassment and shame. Be courageous with one another about those things that scare you. To fully give of yourself to another requires the expansion of vulnerability. It forces you to put down your walls and give all of yourself.
5. BE AFFECTIONATE.
Cuddling, kissing, snuggling and hugging are all forms of physical connections that are needed in relationships. There are also ways of mentally stimulating your partner with a love letter, a handmade note, or just a post-it note on a mirror. Sending a sweet playful text during the day creates a feeling of sentimental devotion. There are ways to be physical without having intercourse. A back massage, a nice foot rub, or even the stroking of your partner’s arm while watching television is enough to send those hormones into the love canal. We feel loved when we are touched. We feel wanted when we receive kind words of encouragement from a partner. Affection is a point of contact that enhances emotional, spiritual and physical relief.